Written by: Trap Gambino

Our family wasn’t perfect. It’s not like we didn’t struggle, argue, get mad at each other, or have bad days. Every family does…But WE did those things together.

My kids see us disagree, but they also see us fix things afterward. I’ve never wanted a house where everybody disappears into separate rooms when things get heavy. If there was an argument, eventually there was a conversation, an apology, and a hug. We fight because we love.

But we fight TOGETHER! Not against each other.

That is the purest form of love.

My daughter Katana experienced that before she passed.

And after losing her, that became one of the few things my own mind could not take away from me. One of the only things that made me feel just a tiny bit better.

You will always have the guilt.

Did I work too much? Did I pay enough attention or miss something? Should I have done anything differently? Did I fail her?

I could go on forever.

There are questions I will probably ask myself for the rest of my life. But there is one thing I will never question.

My BabyGirl KNEW she was loved.

She knew who her people were. She knew she belonged with us.

And she still does.

Rebuilding After Loss When There Is Nothing Left to Fight

Katana’s physical life was short. Way too short. She was only three years old when she passed from a rare, fast-acting form of cancer.

There are so many things I wish I could have given her more time to experience.

But I cannot wish time back.

Life is ruthless. It does not care about your plans or what you’re supposed to protect.

There was nobody there for me to fight.

I could not intimidate it.

I could not negotiate with it.

I could not trade places with my daughter.

No control.

That kind of helplessness was hard to understand.

I learned the hard way that not every opponent can be defeated.

That does not mean you stop being a fighter.

When I look back on Katana’s life, I think about how she spent the time she did have.

She spent it with us.

We traveled together. We struggled together. We had good days and bad days together. She was not watching our lives from the outside. She was right in the middle of everything.

Fighting with US!

She will always be part of this family. This was still our house.

We were still a family.

Anger Became Part of Rebuilding After Loss

My children did not need to know whether Dad felt motivated that morning.

I have a lot of anger in me. Who wouldn’t?

It has fueled me for a long time now.

But it needs direction.

After everything happened, I directed it terribly at first.

I drank more. I ate garbage. I gained a tremendous amount of weight.

At my heaviest, I reached around 465 pounds.

I hated what I saw physically, and it matched what I felt on the inside.

I was furious at life, furious about what happened, but then…I was becoming furious at myself. And that turned into RAGE!

Eventually I took some of that anger and pointed it toward something I actually could change.

Myself.

I started training hard, changed the way I ate, and pushed myself physically. Over time, I got down to around 280 pounds without weight-loss surgery, GLP-1 medications, peptides, or steroids.

People look at a before-and-after picture and call that “inspirational.”

For me, it was anger and trauma.

That’s it.

I just made it work for me instead of letting it keep destroying me.

Loss Changed the Way I Think About Ambition

I still want to build.

But now I ask myself more questions about why I am building.

Is this helping my family? Our city? Our future world?

Am I present?

Does this actually matter, or am I looking for validation?

Am I building because I believe in something, or am I building because I am scared to stop moving? That one is a rough question.

Ambition or escape?

I am still learning where that line is.

I do not have some perfect ending for this article.

I don’t have a formula for grief, and I would be suspicious of anybody who claims they do.

I still have triggers.

I still ask questions that do not have answers.

There are still pieces of everything that happened that I do not understand and probably never will.

But I also laugh. I build. I love my family. I make plans. I get excited. I argue. I forgive. I work. I live.

Rebuilding After Loss Does Not Mean You Package Your Feelings in Gift Wrap

Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, experience it because you’re STILL HERE. And if you have others who depend on you.. I
shouldn’t even be telling you this. We ALL need to toughen up. Life is TOUGHER.

I do not want my children learning that strength means never acknowledging pain. Cry and work through your tears because life does not wait. That’s my lesson to them.

Sometimes unbelievably bad things happen.

We cry.

We get angry.

We question everything.

Then morning comes. And now what?

For me, the answer is that we have to live.

Trap “Daddy” Gambino is a Las Vegas-based entrepreneur, combat sports personality, fighter, and founder and CEO of Made Fight League. He has spoken publicly about fatherhood, grief, rebuilding after loss, and the experiences that have shaped the way he approaches family, ambition, and life.