The Birth and Deaths That Saved Me: A Healing Journey

Written By: Krista Lindquist

(Including excerpts from Krista’s memoir, The Daisy Diaries, and her contribution to The Ancestors Within: Honor and Celebrate Your Sacred Origins)

Before turning eighteen, a tragic love triangle nearly ended my life.

Within one year, the shock of two unbelievably traumatic accidents involving my former high school boyfriends left me crawling numbly through depression, grief, and self-destruction. How could this happen to me? And how could it happen twice?

This is my story of monumental trauma, bottomless grief, and divine intervention that led to my spiritual healing journey.

First Love, First Heartbreak

As if my first “real” relationship with Jake wasn’t dramatic enough already, within our first months, my 15-year-old heart was broken from being cheated on, lied to, and tangled in the webs of reckless teenage partying. You might think this would have led to the end of a very short relationship, yet nearly three years later, Jake and I were still together, and our lives were about to change forever.

During a normal summer swimming trip to the lake, Jake dove in and broke his neck on a sandbar beneath the water’s surface. Ahead of me suddenly lay many agonizing months sitting by Jake’s side in the hospital, my mind and heart torn between heart-wrenching compassion to help him heal and anger and resentment of our hurtful relationship before his fateful accident.

The Tragic Triangle

Feeling trapped in the misfortune of my own life, indignation and hopelessness consumed me. As my senior year of high school began, I soon spent less time in the hospital and more time turning to the numbing effects of any drug I could get my hands on. Desperate to escape my reality, I tangled myself even deeper into the webs of drugs and partying and eventually entangled myself with my first childhood crush, Cody.

This tragic love triangle wasn’t kept secret for long, as my concern about small-town gossip and consequences vanished along with my will to face life with sobriety. However, as soon as Jake and I finally brought our damaged relationship to an end, my newfound freedom with Cody was about to run out.

After a long night of drinking with friends, our vehicle crashed and tumbled off the road. Three of four passengers survived, my own freak injuries and recovery being nothing short of miraculous… but Cody wasn’t so lucky.

Why did I survive? The question haunted me. I should’ve died instead. The depression and despair I already knew so well from Jake’s accident were nothing compared to the heavy grief that buried me now.

Divine Intervention

Yet, just three months of reckless despair later, I was producing new life. Yes, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I learned that I was pregnant. I quickly realized the baby would arrive around the anniversary of the car accident that took Cody’s life. I shuddered, unable to ignore the gut feeling that I was meant to have this baby.

How could this possibly help my miserable situation? Somehow, I sensed that everything was happening for a reason and that God, or something, had my back.

My daughter, Jaelyn Rae, was born on March 20th, 2008. Two days later, on the 1st anniversary of the car accident, I brought her home.

That night, I lay in bed staring at my baby girl, overjoyed with love. Suddenly, a memory sparked. One year ago, while lying in the hospital after the car accident, I had decided that if I didn’t die before it, I’d kill myself on the first anniversary. I desperately wanted to escape my life and join Cody on the other side.

Obviously, the Universe had a different plan for me. Returning to reality and my sleeping baby, my eyes welled. “Thank you,” I whispered. “You saved my life.”

Seeing the Signs

The timing of Jaelyn’s birth was my first undeniable experience of divine intervention. She inspired me to stop digging and climb out of my hole of self-loathing and drug abuse, where I had manifested the short-lived relationship with her father, and to embrace sobriety and young motherhood. I even dared to pursue engineering school, on a mission of redemption and providing the best for my baby girl.

Though I once believed that Cody’s death could only lead to my own demise, Jaelyn rooted me to this earth with a purpose, even mysteriously connecting me with him. Cody’s vibrant blue eyes that I longed for slowly emerged from the initially dark eyes of my newborn baby. From two brown-eyed parents, Jaelyn’s eyes sparkled an intense blue. Could this be another sign?

As Jaelyn grew, Cody’s spirit encouraged me along my daunting path as a single working mom and college student. Daisies, the flower that reminded me of him, popped up everywhere. Cody appeared in my dreams, thoughts, and songs on the radio, especially when I lost self-esteem. Is it really him doing this? I wondered. Or am I making this up?

I needed answers! Without effort, I stumbled upon a Medium that validated my experiences and my ability to communicate with the other side. Curiosity and gut feelings continued to lead me on a spiritual journey through yoga, meditation, oracle cards, and crystals, while reading about the laws of the universe and the oneness of all things we can and cannot see.

Though I was still swept up in the rat race of life and redeeming myself from my painful past, little did I know that this was just the beginning of a profound transformation…

The Final Wake Up Call

Six years after Jaelyn’s birth saved my life, I graduated college. It was time to celebrate! I was especially celebrating the deep connection I developed with my father over those years. In my teenage angst, I disconnected from everything and everyone, including my family. But Jaelyn glued us back together.

Dad and I talked often, whether making plans to visit, sharing stories of his past, or thoughtfully advising me through my latest major decision. I opened up to him about my personal life, the challenges of motherhood, and even my spiritual connection with Cody. To my surprise, Dad accepted it all.

Three months after graduation, I was abruptly awakened by my next worst nightmare. My father had a fatal heart attack. The earth-shattering shock of his death was the final wake-up call I needed to fully commit to healing myself. What woke me most, though, was not his loss but the addition of his spiritual presence.

My father appeared in a dream one week after his death. “What you feel is real,” he said. “Don’t worry; I’m still here. Trust your intuition. Keep following your heart to heal us all.”

I woke up bursting with passion to live the joyful life that my guardian angels couldn’t complete. But where to begin? What healing did they need?

“The healing you need is the healing that we all need.”

Dad’s messages prompted me to uncover the roots of my pain. Grabbing a journal, I wrote: What have I struggled with most throughout my life? The words came immediately: The ability to communicate feelings, put my needs first, and love myself, unconditionally.

A collective “Yes” instantly filled my heart with both sorrow and determination.

The Healing Process

After a childhood of strict religious conditioning and running myself ragged into adulthood, I had let my chase for outward success and approval consume more time and energy than I could afford. Yet the sudden death of my father made me realize I could afford no more of the stress, self-loathing, and paralyzing grief that had consumed me like a chronic illness. Unless I intended to live a short life like Cody or my father, I had a lot of changes to make!

With conscious effort and encouragement from my angels, I set off to heal the wounds of my past and debilitating self-doubt. I listened to meditation music to quiet my mind. I grew mindful of holistic food and clean water sources. I deepened my yoga practice and received healing energy through massage, acupuncture, and Reiki. Why didn’t I know about these things before?

The further I walked down this new path, the more I could see and feel the healing signs of spirit around me, and the more I noticed it from little Jaelyn. During our heart-to-hearts, I spoke with Jaelyn about spirituality and how her grandpa and Cody watched over us and sent loving signs.

“Hey Mama,” she exclaimed from her car seat once during a road trip. “I think Grandpa’s here!”

Caught off guard, her words pulled me out of my anxious thoughts and into the moment. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“I see sparkles! I think he’s here to say he loves us!” she exclaimed.

A calming tingle ran up my spine, instantly eradicating the worrisome thoughts that tormented my mind just moments before. The intuition of my child stunned me. Not only did her birth save my life, Jaelyn anchored me to our angels and the present moment when I least expected it and needed it most.

Surrender

I realized what Jaelyn did for me was the goal of all my healing tools: to return to a peaceful state of surrender. That’s where clarity and healing came from. That’s where my angels could be heard. That’s where meaningful conversations with Jaelyn took place. Once I found the tools that helped me get there, they had to be shared. How different would life be if I had learned and shared this sooner?

Immediately, opportunities to become a yoga teacher, wellness coach, and even a Reiki practitioner fell into my lap. My passion quickly amplified through my early years of teaching and coaching part-time. So much, that I left my corporate career to start a wellness business, named after Jaelyn.

Through each new major decision in my healing process, my angels were right there. Though I longed to phone my dad for his advice and assurance through buying a car, home, and making my career leap, his answers came through gut feelings, signs, and journaling. “Go for it, Kris! Now is the time.”

Connecting with spirit is and has been a pillar of my healing journey. It steers me back on track when I fall and inspires me to live and express myself freely. Without communication with spirit, Dad, and Cody, or the divine arrival and wisdom of my daughter, I wouldn’t be the healer I am today.

What I’ve Learned

If there’s anything that I’ve learned along this wild healing journey, it is that healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen alone! It took me over a decade of tragic losses, divine interventions, and dedicated practice to discover my healing path, and now my life’s work is shining a light for others to walk their own healing path.

To shine light for others is why I wrote and shared my full story in my memoir, The Daisy Diaries. Within the pages of my own journey through the darkness of shocking trauma, loss, and despair and into the light of divine interventions, self-healing, and the discovery of true self-love, I invite you to recognize the parallels between your own inner challenges and that you, too, are the hero of your own story. No matter how dark your past and present may be, I am here to show you that you are destined for the light!

Now, through custom infusions of intuitive coaching, card readings, yoga, Reiki, and sound healing, I guide my clients in making peace with their past and manifesting miracles into their daily life. With full support through my 5 Steps to Manifesting Miracles online course, we master one step at a time together to ensure lasting self-healing and unconditional self-love. No matter where you are and how many baby steps it takes to heal, it always begins with just one step, one deep breath at a time.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, call the national suicide prevention lifeline at 988. They can provide you with mental health resources, contacts, or information on where to begin therapy.

Biography

Krista Lindquist is an intuitive guide, yoga life coach, all-natural crafter, and best-selling author. After a decade of personal healing, Krista became a certified wellness coach, yoga teacher, and Reiki master, and left corporate in 2019 to establish JaeRae Wellness, LLC, named after her daughter, Jaelyn Rae.

In addition to her 2022 memoir, The Daisy Diaries (*affiliate link), she is co-author of The Ancestors Within: Celebrate and Honor Your Sacred Origins and the Opening the Channel to Write Your Story eCourse, workbook, & oracle card deck. Now, Krista continues guiding clients, classes, and healing retreats, along with writing and sharing her favorite homemade essential oil blends, candles, balms, jewelry, and books on her mission to help you heal, feel inner peace, and thrive in a life you love.

Connect with Krista @jaeraewellness on Instagram & Facebook to follow her journey and learn more at www.jaeraewellness.com.