Ron Blake’s Hero’s Journey: The Struggles of a Male Rape Victim

Written by: Ron Blake (TRIGGER WARNING)

For many male rape victims, speaking out is a journey fraught with fear, societal stigma, and profound personal courage.

Yet, my story is not a story of sadness, anger, hatred, or revenge. It’s an exhilarating adventure of hope, happiness, and success. It’s about defying the odds and overcoming adversity.

My story has been about facing down my fears of addressing a wicked, near-deadly trauma I experienced just days before Christmas thirteen years ago. It still seems like it happened yesterday.

Three men entered my home while I was asleep beside the Christmas tree on a peaceful, silent night.

I was held down, stripped naked, beaten, & raped. At some point, I broke free and made a harrowing 911 call. The emergency dispatcher heard the sexual attack as it was occurring.

Four police officers arrived at my loft to find me surrounded by the three perpetrators. I was only wearing ripped, blood-splattered underwear.

I explained to the officers that the men removed all my clothing and attacked me as I slept. Further explaining that one of the men had been my domestic partner for a decade. Thus, they knew I was gay.

Despite the Scene They Encountered, No Arrests Were Made

The authorities brought in a former FBI Special Agent to conduct an independent investigation of my case. His detailed report identified that the officers treated me differently that evening because of who I am and my sexual orientation.

It became clear that no arrests were made because of anti-LGBT bias.

I was significantly injured and required surgery. Plus thirteen years of extensive physical therapy and mental health counseling. I lost my home, business, all of my savings, and my black pug Buddy because of this tragedy. 

Additionally, therapists and doctors diagnosed me with dissociative amnesia.

It’s a rare condition. A consequence of severe trauma. For several years, that condition rendered me unable to remember nearly all of what occurred in this attack on me.

That amnesiac state was a dark, confusing time for me. I couldn’t recall what caused the injuries and the pain. Yet, I was haunted by nightmares because of my sexual assault. I began isolating myself from the world.

On occasion, memories from that night would appear to me. Like haunting flickers of light. Then they’d disappear. And I was back to an inky dark space.

An Article About Sexual Assault and Sexual Violence Triggered My Memories

In May of 2014, I was reading Time Magazine’s cover story about sexual assault. That was the trigger that began unlocking memories of the rape I experienced.

With each passing week and month, I was able to retrieve more of those hidden memories. Today I have an almost complete recall of what occurred on that evening.

Even with the ability to more completely understand the details of that rape and beating, I still struggled with the nightmares. They became more prevalent.

It became difficult to know if I was awake or in one of the nightmares. That’s when it got really bad. That’s when I was ready to go. To end the pain.

It was after experiencing yet another nightmare that something incredible happened on that desperate lonely night. Something that changed everything for me.

 Being a Male Survivor Became Part of My Story

An unexpected moment of laughter from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert fortuitously stopped me from dying by suicide at 10:44 pm on November 2, 2015.

That was the call to action I answered that sent me out on this ongoing 84,000-mile Hero’s Journey. 

I was first introduced to the Hero’s Journey while earning my MPA at Indiana University. A humanities professor gave a lecture on this literary theme that’s been used in many classic movies such as Star Wars, the Color Purple, and Harry Potter.

The protagonist has a disruption in his or her life. Answering that call to action. Heading out on an adventure. Facing down their fears. Overcoming challenges along the way. Then returning home transformed and triumphant.

That spark of hope; the laughter on that fateful night, was the disruption for me. I answered that call to action. And the rest of my journey developed as the professor taught us.

Just like Frodo in The Lord of the Rings movie, I headed out on an adventure. One where I would no longer be isolated from the world. I would engage with people and learn to talk about and process the trauma.  

My biggest goal was to get written support for my efforts to recover and to become a guest on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert…the symbolic goal. This odyssey gave me a purpose in life.

My Journey Of Healing From Male Sexual Violence and Assault

On my big recovery adventure with this symbolic cross-country mission, I’ve walked up to and met strangers every single day for 3,287 days, engaging with 33,672 of them!

Those individuals have written stories of support for all my efforts. Their stories are contributed in 94 languages with 32 Sharpie marker colors on 511 giant foam boards. 

This has become a massive collective story of hope, discovery, spontaneity, joy, variety, ingenuity, courage, creativity, resilience, unity, and love.  

It’s these 4,200 square feet of stories on those boards that have been helping me get through each day. Particularly through the holidays. It’s like having 33,592 Hallmark cards of love to encourage me to keep going through the seemingly insurmountable challenges.

These giant boards are considered social practice artwork. Many of them have been framed and selected to be displayed in many exhibits and galleries.

This riveting adventure has had plenty of obstacles, roadblocks, and detours thrown at me. It’s been truly testing my resolve.

 Male on Male Rape Victims Experience a Strange Kind of Victim Blaming and Shaming

The “bad guys” tried to stop me from speaking out about the rape and to impede my efforts to reach my goal at 53rd and Broadway in New York City. I’ve been hunted down and chased like a wild animal on the African Savannah.

There have been two deadly attempts on my life within the past few years. We know those came from people connected back in some way to the three perpetrators.

Living in silence and hiding in the shadows does not suit me. So I’ve continued on this perilous, thrilling adventure. But alas. I’m not alone. Individuals in the community have been volunteering to provide security details and protection for me.

I also received hundreds of harassing phone calls in one week. Those calls came at all hours of the day. Then there was the written threat. A letter warning me to be quiet about what happened. A perpetrator and his spouse meant for this to intimidate me into silence.

Arizona’s leading First Amendment attorney and Duke Law School’s First Amendment Clinic volunteered and joined together to respond to this intimidation tactic. These legal experts stepped up to shut down any further threats.

 My Journey Is Important for Other Men Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuse or Sexual Violence

On this determined mission, I’ve battled the elements too on my travels throughout the U.S. and Mexico. Going up against 119-degree heat, blizzards, dust storms, bone-chilling wind chills, and hurricane-force wind gusts from monsoon storms. 

It’s felt at times like the kitchen sink of adversity has been chucked at me. I was the victim of a hit-and-run car crash. I was hospitalized with a traumatic brain injury.

Then, I was attacked and physically assaulted by a man whom I met on the journey. I became dependent on prescription sleeping pills and fell into serious problems with opioids.

There have been an abundance of moments that have buoyed my spirits. Giving me an adrenaline boost when I didn’t know if I had the energy to carry on.

There’s the beautiful stranger in a coffee house who engaged with me. Signing support on one of my boards. Then he handed me $1,000 in cool cash. Telling me that I was on the right path and to keep the magic going.

Being The Victim of Male Sexual Assault Was Not the End of My Story

I met a Colombian immigrant on my travels. We got married. He’s now a decorated Senior Airman in the U.S. Air Force. I’m now someone who rediscovered the ability to love and trust again. After experiencing that devastating betrayal from my ex-partner.

I’m not going to lie. There are curmudgeons and sourpusses I encounter on this swashbuckling odyssey. They can knock me back into the abyss of despair if I allow that.

So I don’t. I focus instead on all the accomplishments that I’m realizing. 

I’ve given a TEDx talk and presentations about resiliency at 30 colleges and dozens of events. A large pharmaceutical company contracted with me to be a consultant.

To share my PTSD lived experience to advocate for other trauma survivors. I even testified before a Senate Judiciary Committee and helped pass a law adding protections for rape victims.

Prominent sports organizations have lined up to cheer me on.

The Arizona Diamondbacks had me throw out the 1st pitch in front of 43,000 fans. They recognized my moxie and the fighting spirit of the often-forgotten victims of sexual and domestic abuse. The boys and men.

The Phoenix Suns are bringing me to one of their games this season. To show their appreciation for my determination to reach the goal and to continue assisting other trauma victims.

Before their homecoming game, players on the Georgetown University football team warmly embraced me and signed support for my insatiable drive to succeed in my mission.

The Oakland A’s baseball organization invited me into their dugout before a game to meet the players. The guys put on their rally caps in support of my efforts to get on The Late Show. They made me feel like an honorary member of their team.

Being Sexually Assaulted Will Change the Trajectory of Your Story

Following the trauma, the focus has been my survival. Survive the surgery, physical therapy, PTSD counseling, and re-engagement with society. I was unable to work and couldn’t pay my student loans.

After many years of grueling rehabilitation, my student loan debt grew exponentially because of accruing interest.  

Perhaps it was a higher power, the universe, or just a stroke of luck. Someone or something out there had my back again. In July of 2023, I received a surprise notification from the Department of Education. All $90,000 of my outstanding student loans were dismissed.

Then I applied for the county’s violent crime victim compensation fund. A program assisting victims with expenses incurred as a result of violent crime. I wasn’t eligible for compensation though.

One of the main stipulations for consideration was filing the paperwork within two years of the crime occurring. In 2023, I was beyond that expiration date by ten years. I was told that I was out of luck.

That is until I had an Ah-Ha moment. I wasn’t throwing in the white towel. I requested an exception from the Board overseeing approval or denial of victim compensation. My argument was based on one issue that was overlooked in my highly unusual case.

My diagnosis of dissociative amnesia.

Arguing before the Board that if for nearly three years I had no memories of the violent crime, then how can there be a two-year statute of limitations applied in my situation with that diagnosis I had?

The Board unanimously agreed. Approving my case and awarding me $12,421 in victim compensation for lost wages.

That money further assisted me in paying down the debt incurred from the trauma. A symbolic victory. I found a way. When there appeared to be no way forward.

Male Rape Victims Can Be the Hereos in Other Sexual Assault Survivor Stories

There’s a superhero in each of us. Waiting to spring into action. To overcome heartbreak, sadness, and trauma. But we’re only as powerful and effective as those who support us.

Batman had his butler and confidant Alfred.

Black Panther had the citizens of Wakanda. Wonder Woman had her Amazonian sisterhood. And then there’s me.

Not only do I have my family and friends who continue to be there for me. I also have an even larger team of people who believe in me as well.

The advocates of the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence provide resources and support networks for me. The National Women’s Law Center, the Time’s Up Legal Fund, and two former federal prosecutors in Washington D.C. have worked to get justice for me.

Two award-winning filmmakers (teenage twin brothers) are currently producing another documentary about my story. This is so very important for survivors of sexual violence. To have our stories told.

Fingers crossed. When I get that invitation from comedian Stephen Colbert, I’m taking with me to the show these 511 giant artistic boards of support. To inform, entertain, and inspire millions of his viewers to head out on their very own Hero’s Journey.

And just to think. It all began with one simple joke. The amazing healing power of laughter. It’s all around us. Even when all seems lost.

Resources Available for Other Male Rape Victims

Healing is not a straight line, and it’s certainly not about erasing pain, but about reclaiming life. As men, traditional gender roles sometimes push us toward silence.

However, strength can be found in vulnerability, in reaching out to others, and in leaning into the support of communities and resources dedicated to male survivors of sexual trauma.

Whether you’re facing PTSD, substance abuse, challenges around your sexuality, or other effects of trauma, know that these responses are normal.

They’re a part of processing what happened, and help is available to guide you through.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, consider reaching out to these resources:

1. 1in6–Specifically dedicated to male survivors of sexual abuse, 1in6 offers free online chat support groups, educational materials, and peer connections. Learn more at 1in6.org.

2. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)–Offers a 24/7 hotline (1-800-656-HOPE) and online chat for immediate support. RAINN also has resources tailored to the unique experiences of male survivors. Visit rainn.org.

3. MaleSurvivor–A supportive community for men who have experienced sexual assault, with access to forums, survivor stories, and a therapist directory. Visit malesurvivor.org.

4. The National Center for PTSD–Provides educational resources for individuals dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder following sexual violence. They have tools specifically designed for men and trauma survivors at ptsd.va.gov.

5. The Trevor Project–LGBTQIA+ individuals can also reach out to the Trevor Project for 24/7 support, particularly for those struggling with mental health and suicidal thoughts. Access their helpline at 1-866-488-7386 or text/chat support at thetrevorproject.org.

Healing takes time, compassion, and often help from others.

Sharing these experiences as a male rape victim may be daunting, but it’s also empowering. There is a way forward, and though it may feel dark at times, know that you are not alone on this path.